the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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