nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
