just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
