i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
