respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
