A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
