On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Let's get the cat blown out
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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