a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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