I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
