dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
