I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Randomize
