have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
