He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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