Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
