Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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