I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
