I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
