sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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