But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
