Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
