Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
