Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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