No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
