he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
