i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
