I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
