my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
