Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
