i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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