Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
