Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
