The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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