Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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