there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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