I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
