I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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