is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
