This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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