He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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