I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
