So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
