I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
