I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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