So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
