We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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