What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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