I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
