I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
