I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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