Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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