I puked a lego.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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