After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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