Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
