Your face is a jimmy john
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
