yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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